it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
