How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
