I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think I just sharted jello shots
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
