what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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