hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
