I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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