is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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