opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Congratulations! We have a period
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize