wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
