I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
