new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
