your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
