Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
