how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
