Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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