my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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