No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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