this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
