Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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