I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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