MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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