Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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