I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
