Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
