You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
