Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think your dad took our porno
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
