Just fell off a train. Bad.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
