i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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