After last night, I could never be a politician.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
