either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize