Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
