Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
