Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
