ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
