Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
