I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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