Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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