How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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