just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
