I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
