between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
