im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
