You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
