I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I bet he comes in French.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
