I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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