I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she pinky promised me she was 18
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
