yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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