im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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