I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
