I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
