just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
