Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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