so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
