fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
is it fun? or sober?
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