i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
