I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
