i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
