While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
