Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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