i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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