Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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