May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
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