I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
