yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All the doctor said was why
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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