Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
