I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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