if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
