I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
