Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
